My first online dating experience was nearly five years ago. I still remember the excitement I felt when writing the bio. How I sweated over which descriptors to use and whether my photos conveyed a particular image.
Then came the moment when my profile was complete. Within minutes of going live, someone expressed interest by “liking” me. My heart picked up, and we initiated chatting.
I remember how the possibilities seemed endless. Deep in my bones, I knew the man of my dreams was out there, and I would meet him in a matter of time.
Only I didn’t. After a year of sending out hundreds of short introductions and meeting lots of men, I still hadn’t met my match.
Each time I connected with someone new, I’d get my hopes up. Maybe this one is the one! After texting or calling, we’d set up our first face-to-face meeting. Within minutes of sitting down with this person, I knew that that allusive click of compatibility was missing.
The experience resulted in a rollercoaster of emotions, which left me discouraged and exhausted. It became harder casar com Albaniano noiva and harder to muster up enough energy to try. I debated which alternative was worse – accepting my singlehood for the rest of my life or trying online dating again.
The method of online dating is inherently flawed. It’s ridiculous to think a few-hundred-word personal description and a slew of carefully chosen photographs provide enough data for an informed decision. Sharing favorite movie genres, musical preferences, and our leisure interests and hobbies cannot convey a person’s complexities. Most of the time, profile description dealbreakers are ignored, and someone is “liked” solely on their photos.
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But even the representative photos at best provide skewed information. We take dozens to hundreds across several days to find the one that presents the right look. Women’s cleavage, full-body, and duck-pout shots do not warn of our emotional stability. Men’s photos featuring their favorite activities provide no information about their hot temper, lack of empathy, or alcohol habits.
Even the profiles that try to filter candidates do so poorly. They use cryptic comments like “no drama” or “must be open,” which lack context, to convey their preferences. The expectation is that both parties will glean enough information in these short profiles to swipe right or left – an impossibility.
The Way We Used to Meet People
Consider how we used to meet our dates. For most of us, this occurred while attending high school or college. Nearly all single, we’d meet up and hang out at the cafeteria, study hall, or bar. We might bump into each other at a party. Through the course of these life experiences, we’d get to know one another.
We would become aware of each other’s habits, priorities, and preferences. She always arrives at class early and prepared. He’s a class clown. That person loves science fiction, like me. These essential qualities relayed information about our trustworthiness, reliability, and ambitiousness. Based on these bits of information and our experiences, we’d find that person appealing, or not.
Online dating essentially requires us to meet a potential candidate blindly. There’s no way for us to know whether this individual has changed jobs every year, keeps a messy house, or has loads of debt. We have no idea that their former love interest is still stalking them making their life a living hell. A single page of self-disclosed information, along with a few choice photos, is all the information provided for us to make our decision to contact someone or pass on by.
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